The Problem with Parental Alienation
As an alienated parent, I think about PA a lot. The thing I find hardest to understand is this:
How come I get it, and can explain it to anyone in 5 minutes, yet judges and CAFCASS workers don’t get it? Courts sometimes take ten years to work this stuff out, if they work it out at all. After a lot of contemplation, I think I have finally found the answer.
It’s not that they don’t get it. It’s not that they can’t get it. It’s that they WON’T get it. They REFUSE to get it, because it shakes their world view. THEY ARE AFRAID. I think the penny finally dropped with me when I read the results of our survey, when one respondent said that he got a report from an expert – he said:
“Amazing report that was dead on accurate: took 19 hours of interviewing and 8 psychometric tests of both parents, child and grandparents on each side. Diagnosis V995.51 (child abuse) and v61.29. Alienator showed in test to get MAXIMUM score on narcissism test. 220 page report from the psychiatrist and….Judge said PA was an American thing and the report was waffle!”
It reminded me of an example quoted by Dr Ludwig Lowenstein, where he tells of a case where he was involved as an expert. This was ‘back in the day’ when each side instructed their own expert. He was the expert for one side (it doesn’t matter which) and there was an expert for the other side. BOTH experts agreed that one parent was alienating the child from the other parent. But the judge still left the child with that parent…
You know, I heard Judge Stephen Wildblood talking on FNF (Families Need Fathers) about this last year. He made the observation that, when he started out as a lawyer 37 years ago, the prevailing view was that you never, as a judge, ordered that a child live with a same-sex couple unless there was literally no alternative. He asks how we will look, in 37 years’ time, at the way we are dealing with PA cases now.
Alan Turing is often called the father of modern computing. He was a brilliant mathematician and logician. He developed the idea of the modern computer and artificial intelligence. During the Second World War he worked for the government breaking the enemy’s codes and Churchill said he shortened the war by two years. He was also a homosexual. In 1952 he was convicted of ‘gross indecency’ and chemically castrated. Two years later he committed suicide.
There was a time when, if a man criticised his friend for owning slaves, that he would be thought a fool, and would be derided for it. There was a time when a person would be thought a fool to argue in favour of universal suffrage.
I could go on, but you get the point. Now, homosexuality, universal suffrage, same-sex marriage, and the abhorrence of owning slaves are all “mainstream”.
There will come a time when future generations will be astounded that we treated alienated parents as we do, and that we allowed our children to suffer at the hands of narcissistic-toxic abusers.
At UKAP, our job is to hurry that process along. Let’s not wait 37 years – PLEASE!
How? EDUCATION, education, education! Judges and CAFCASS need to be educated, and become enlightened, exactly as society needed to be enlightened about slavery, homosexuality and universal suffrage.
Parental Alienation is WRONG.